ibarra Posted March 20 Report Share Posted March 20 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mainecoons Posted March 21 Author Report Share Posted March 21 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mainecoons Posted March 21 Author Report Share Posted March 21 Recently seen Lakeside. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickS Posted March 21 Report Share Posted March 21 BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were placed in U.K. newspapers. ------------------------------------------------------------ FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the century Thought from the greatest living Scottish thinker -- Billy Connolly: "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" Children are quick TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virgo lady Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 A challenging vehicle issue with the seal on my differential: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virgo lady Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virgo lady Posted March 22 Report Share Posted March 22 This could qualify in the Pets section too? 🙂 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Go Solar Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whipstock Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEWMtnMama Posted March 23 Report Share Posted March 23 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEWMtnMama Posted March 25 Report Share Posted March 25 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virgo lady Posted March 25 Report Share Posted March 25 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virgo lady Posted March 27 Report Share Posted March 27 A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver replies, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting, the driver's wife says, "Now don't be silly, dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well, dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "Will you please be quiet?" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, ma'am?" She replies, "Only when he's been drinking." 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEWMtnMama Posted March 30 Report Share Posted March 30 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha Posted March 31 Report Share Posted March 31 What took her so long??? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virgo lady Posted March 31 Report Share Posted March 31 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEWMtnMama Posted April 2 Report Share Posted April 2 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ibarra Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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virgo lady Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Could these somehow be related? 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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