I'm sorry people have had these problems. But I have to say....When my husband died suddenly, I didn't experience this. I was aware of procedures and how the government functions. I immediately took a deep breath and told myself I could grieve later. Within 24 hours, all money with his name on it anywhere was moved to an account with only my name. Fortunately (??) there was not a lot of it. He had 1 credit card with a low balance which I paid and then put a hold on. Later, when I had death certificates, I closed these accounts with no problem. I contacted SS and got in their que. An english speaking rep called me back within 5 days.
Admittedly, if I had been dealing with a lot of money and investment accounts etc. it probably would not have been as easy. I guess there's one advantage to being poor.