THE CHARM OF CREATIONISM
By Ed Tasca
Remember when grade-schoolers around Christmas time would craft tableaux, done with finger-size clay people and animals, set in crepe paper and lichen terrain and depicting the venerable stories of the bible and
of creation. They were charming and irresistible. I for one miss them. And I suspect the children who crafted them miss doing them as well.
Thankfully, adults have also taken on the task of bringing bible stories to life. A Creation Museum in Kentucky, consisting of 70,000 square feet of carefully-rendered biblical stories, graphically demonstrate that God did indeed create the world in six days, and the day after rested. (And, judging from the state of things today, he’s been resting ever since.)
Anyway, I did a virtual tour of the Creation Museum and I’d like to share this report with non-believers, in the hopes I can pluck them out from under the bewitching grasp of the pseudo-science of evolution.
Evolutionists will tell you there was no Adam and Eve. That earthly creatures just evolved. The logic of Mr. Darwin’s convoluted math goes something like this. After a billion trillion random mutations, algae became fish. After another billion trillion mutations, fish walk up on the beach and soon find themselves leaping about in herds, totally puzzled. After yet another billion trillion mutations, the herds decide to stop leaping about and learn to walk upright and brush their teeth. Enter Homo sapiens, almost all with a bad back.
Now, evolutionary theory goes this way: those individuals whose DNA is struck by random advantageous adaptive changes go on to spread their genetic material all over the place (even when most of them should probably be home reading a good book); and those whose DNA is not advanced by these changes become part of the fossil record, and aren’t discovered for millions of years until they turn up face down – looking totally bewildered.
Along with this bit of sophistry, some smart aleck always pipes up, “What about the dinosaurs?” Well, the museum explains this in short order as well. Dinosaurs were there on the Ark with Noah, although probably confined to steerage.
The Museum displays a full-scale reproduction of the Ark, several football fields in length, and easily capable of its reputed biomass cargo. And by all accounts, it was an “all-inclusive,” except for the Captain’s Dinner-Dance, which was extra. At least that’s the latest workable theory.
The science of creationism is brilliantly simple. It proposes a single principle: that nothing starts by itself, unless you have misread the instructions and assembled it improperly. Scientists have a name for this and it appears in every science book ever written. It’s called Point A. You will never find anything more scientific than Point A. You need it to get to all other points. So don’t let the evolutionists hurry you along with this “turtles turning into cows and cows shape-shifting into monkeys and monkeys turning into the noisy family who live upstairs” business. It’s just not true.
Now, a good, clear Point A, science holds, will almost always get a good story going in the right direction. And what would be a good story? Who can argue with a good man sitting around in the sun hoping for a good woman to come by? It’s a universal. I have never seen a man who wasn’t, down deep, sitting around in the sun hoping for a good woman to come by. If he’s lucky, she’ll come along before he gets sun stroke. The result, of course, is an intimate evening together groping their way through points B, C, D, E and need I say, F.
Here’s another point. Take the question of where evolution is going. It’s not going anywhere. If we were really evolving, wouldn’t we be Klingons by now. And wouldn’t people calling themselves the King of Saudi Arabia and the Queen of this or that start to feel like boneheads. Of course, they would.
There is no such thing as evolution. Just ask the monkeys! They’ll tell you. They’re perfectly happy just as they are and were, living in trees, covered in bacilli and laughing at our breast implants, dreadlocks and nose piercings. They’ll also tell you to stop saying that we’re related to them. They hate that more than we do.