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By Carolyn Comedo
(Ed. Note: Carolyn has recently retired to Lakeside after a successful career counselling couples in the former Russian state of South Adiaphorous. She has graciously volunteered to answer questions from readers who may find themselves stalled by one or more of life’s many predicaments. She and her husband, Leon, live in Ajijic. Send queries to this publication, care of the Editor.)
DEAR CAROLYN: What is it that men and women really want?
DEAR CONFUSED: Women want to be cherished, loved, trusted, respected, desired, caressed and adored. Men want sex and beer.
DEAR CAROLYN: What is a Ménage à trois?
DEAR CURIOUS: Ménage à trois is a French phrase used in the science of climatology. It means, when hell freezes over.
DEAR CAROLYN: I am in love but there is a problem. Every time we have sex my girlfriend sells tickets and invites the public in to watch. My question is, must she declare this money as income when she does her taxes?
DEAR DEDUCTION: No, she doesn’t have to. Making love is considered a non-profit activity unless, of course, she is also charging you.
DEAR CAROLYN: I am a retired undertaker. My father has dementia and my mother is bulimic. They are supported by my sister who works in a brothel. My only brother is a bookie and my nephew is a transvestite who is in prison for impersonating a nun. I am engaged to a woman who sells drugs in a nursing home. In view of the fact that I intend to make this woman my wife and want no secrets between us, should I tell her that my brother-in-law is a Canadian?
DEAR DISGRACED: Definitely not! Being related to a Canadian would place an irremovable stain on your entire family’s reputation.