GRINGAS & GUACAMOLE

By Gail Nott

Dating at Lakeside

 

Home invasions and car thefts don’t generate as much conversation in our small Mexican village of Ajijic as the arrival of a single man or woman who is not accompanied by a full-time nurse. Dating, for those of us who live here, is rather like going fishing. We rummage through our tackle box looking for the best lure or fly to ensure a catch. The problem is the “fishin’ hole” ain’t well-stocked! Philosophically, you should apply the 50-50-90 rule; anytime you have a 50-50 chance of meeting Mr. or Ms. Right, there’s a 90%probability they will be wrong.

I arrived in Ajijic, Mexico believing I had seen it all, and done it all on the single scene in Florida. Fortunately, I can’t remember most of it. My first few dates were not without misunderstandings. My dates were calling me a bitch like it was a bad thing. Sarcasm was one of my better conversational traits. “No, I am not always this disagreeable, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.”

After age 50, the guidelines for dating change significantly. Personal appearance and style take on new meaning. Perfume and aftershave are nice, but don’t marinate in them. A leisure suit with a clean T-shirt can create tacky appearance. I understand you are retired, but please say yes to stockings and shoes. Look on the bright side, things you buy now, at this age, can’t wear out. Go ahead and buy some new clothes.

Engaging that prospective date in conversation can be tricky. Did you know that light travels faster than sound? This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Sharing that, if you had found the “right person,” you would not have married five times is not a good idea. A heated argument about pension plans won’t insure a dinner companion for the next evening. A blank stare doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. It could mean they are lost in thought and that is unfamiliar territory.

Even though most of us are far-sighted as hell, physical attraction is the essence of dating. Don’t despair, I started out with nothing and still have most of it. The only difference between a girlfriend and an ex-wife is 45 pounds. Does it really matter if his ears are hairier than his head? Gentlemen, a few suggestions, should you get lucky. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets and safe sex is not a padded headboard.

Ok, you agreed to meet for dinner; 4:00 pm is not acceptable. Checking your watch every few minutes asking, “Isit time for your medication or mine?” will put a damper on the evening. After you have unscrewed the cap, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the wine.

Dating at any age is a gut-wrenching experience. It is important to remember, “You can’t have everything. What would you do with it?”

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