By Tommy Clarkson



Last month, I wrote of James Thurber whose birthday, December 8th, was one day before mine. Well, F.T. Eyre has – once again – reminded me of yet another humorist writer whose works, as well as his last name, are singularly “Brilliant” – Ashleigh Ellwood generally precedes his unique family name.  Lo and behold, he and I share the same day of birth – the 9th – with his birth preceding mine by eleven years, being in 1933.

He was described in The Wall Street Journal as “history’s only full time, professional published epigrammatist.”  Unique to his work, he employs a self-imposed limit of 17 words per epigram.  (For those who may have forgotten, an epigram is “a concise, witty, and often paradoxical remark or saying.”)

That well describes his works.  Two excellent examples: “What good is it if I talk in flowers while you’re thinking in pastry? And “Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to!”  Thought provoking, those.

There is simple brilliance in the counsel that, “If you don’t do it, you’ll never know what would have happened if you had done it.”  And is there not poignant truth is this: “Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?”

Those who know me are well acquainted with my general rejoinder to their greeting queries of my health – “Parts of me are perfect, my hair follicles and toe cuticles.  Everything in between, however, seems to have gone to hell!” Now you know I’ve but “lifted” from Mr. Brilliant’s, “I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.”

Who among us, that has observed our politicians in action, cannot but agree that this seems to well apply to the preponderance of them and their conduct, “The time for action is past!  Now is the time for senseless bickering!”

• You can’t just suddenly be my friend.  You have to go through a training period.

• Keep some souvenirs of your past, or how will you ever prove it wasn’t all a dream?

• The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary.

• My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.

• Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.

• I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

• It’s not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line.

• Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth.

• Sometimes I need what only you can provide—your absence.

• By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me

• Maybe I’m lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.

• A good friend is worth pursuing... but why would a good friend be running away?

• I don’t understand you. You don’t understand me. What else do we have in common?

• My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

• Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.

• All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.

• I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must be from you.

• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and whatever you hit call it the target.

• Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.

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