Find us on Facebook

Login Form

My Most Embarrassing Moment

By Ardelle Holden

 

gatoWhen my children were teenagers, I frequently operated on auto-pilot. Get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, make meals, do the laundry, go to sleep. I avoided shopping trips until absolutely necessary, and when I did ran out to the mall; I really didn’t look in the mirror before I dashed out the door.

On one occasion, I caught a glimpse of myself in a storefront window as I made a beeline toward my objective. Who is that frumpy woman? I thought. She looks like a bag lady. You’d think she’d take a little more pride in her appearance. All this, before I noticed we moved in sync. I made a mental note to take a little more care with my appearance the next time I ventured out of the house.

The “next time” happened to be a Christmas shopping outing. I donned my red coat, my red fedora, my black boots, my black bag and my black gloves. You see where this is going? As I entered the mall, Christmas music, merry voices, happy faces, shuffling feet, and twinkling lights were a sea of Christmas spirit washing over me.

I walked unhurriedly down the mall, pausing to look at the wonderful window displays enticing patrons to enter. I noticed my reflection, and smiled to myself as I thought how well my image fit right in with the window display.

When I passed Santa’s workshop, he was sitting alone on his throne with an empty lap. I looked at him and smiled. He winked and smiled back, “Come sit on my knee Mrs. Claus.” I blushed and grinned, but hurried on my way.

After freshening up in the washroom, I began my shopping in earnest. Halfway down the mall, I stopped to consider if the display garment in this window was suitable for someone on my list. As I stood there, deep in thought, I again caught my reflection in the window. I gave a big sigh and smugly thought to myself how sharp and seasonably festive I looked today.

There was a tap on my shoulder, and I turned to see a very handsome gentleman smiling down at me with a very apologetic look on his face. “Excuse me, madam, but you have something stuck to your heel,” he said and, not waiting for a thank-you from me, he quickly turned and was gone.

I looked down and saw, to my horror, that I was dragging a long, long, long, long, long strip of pristine, glaring white toilet paper down the mall. My head spun like an owl’s to see how many other people had noticed. At the same time, I was frantically scraping the offending item from my heel. I raised my shoulders, lowered my head and skulked to the nearest exit as fast as I my little legs would carry me, with a face as red as my hat, leaving the behind evidence behind.

Hmmmm? In hindsight, at least it wasn’t caught in my waistband!  Ho. Ho. Ho….

 

primi sui motori con e-max

Add comment

Security code
Refresh

2011 Issues   December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February
April 2014 Please select one:   Online format Only articles (respond to any article here) Magazine style format Articles
Editor’s Page By Alejandro Grattan-Dominguez For more editorials, visit:http://thedarksideofthedream.com   (This article is republished by way
THE CRUCIFIXION OF JESUS —Resonates yet in the world’s torture chambers By Dr. Lorin Swinehart   Crucifixion is among the most barbaric and
Anita’s Animals By Jackie Kellum   Many people use the term “street dog” and apply it generously to all dogs they see on the street. There