OH-MAMA-CARE
By Henri Loridans
My wife has established a home regimen which includes an abominable evening diet which she programs to be ready to serve one hour after my evening toddy; not enough time for even a mild buzz. The supper will be mostly fresh vegetables (the pricey organic kind), and a tidbit of fish or lean meat the size of a deck of cards. I haven’t had a Chicken Fried Steak in six months. I don’t know what happens to the Cokes I bring home because she serves juices and Chinese teas.
I realized the seriousness of the problem when the kids started telling me they did not want to stop by for Big Macs and fries; they would spoil their appetites for supper. All this is un-American and cost prohibitive. We need to eat like real folks. What’s wrong with hamburger steak with lots of gravy, white bread and butter?
Even more despotic, she limits the children’s’ TV to one hour a day. They are at a loss to discuss with their friends such topics as what’s happening with Justin Bieber and Hanna Banana. When I brought the subject up with their mother, they didn’t even put their books down and help me out. The poor tykes are being brainwashed with constant propaganda.
Even though I was out voted four to one in the family conference, I had a plan to save us from total ruin. If things did not change and we start living like real Americans, I was not going to make the payments that were due on the credit cards. Because of the family’s refusal to negotiate, I did in fact not pay, and the credit card folks began calling and threatening to cancel. Even facing such dire consequences, the wife and the kids offered only insignificant compromises. After the cards were cancelled, we finally agreed that we would leave things as they were for three months and try and work things out in that time.
I paid the amounts due on the credit cards, along with late fees. When the credit cards were reestablished, there was a notice that because of the late payments, the interest rates were increased from 12% to 35%. That was tough, but I will fight against all odds to protect the kids from abusive rules and regulations. They deserve the right to choose and learn the truth. I want my children to experience the freedoms to which all patriots are entitled. Let’s just see what they have to say when I tell them that I am not going to make the payment on the home mortgage next month.
